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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
2:11 am
Things are being set in motion.
I have big plans.

current mood: excited

(5 moments of beauty | Lull me)

Monday, May 21st, 2001
1:45 am
i am shaking
i am crying
i am wide awake
irrational fears
what if i should wake up dead?
the girl i love will never be mine
a car could end my life tomorrow
what if the sky falls in?
you get the idea.

current mood: anxious

(2 moments of beauty | Lull me)

Sunday, May 20th, 2001
7:50 pm - Everyone is so near
Whats going on?

(Lull me)

Saturday, May 19th, 2001
5:51 pm
I don't feel like talking today
but at the same time i want to
to have some contact with someone
its like i have a fear
a fear of what?
of people?
of smalltalk?
that irreverrant conversation is pointless
that i am pointless?
i am thinking too much, that is certain
i am irrational, that is another truth
i'm just so fucking listless right now

current mood: pissed off
current music: The Stranglers - Golden Brown

(2 moments of beauty | Lull me)

Friday, May 18th, 2001
10:59 pm - My girl
She makes me cry
but its not bad
She makes me smile
when i feel like dying
She is mine
and i am hers.

(Lull me)

Thursday, May 17th, 2001
9:50 pm
The sweeping sadness has returned.

(Lull me)

8:11 pm
I've only been up 6 hours
i slept for 12
and still i am tired.

(2 moments of beauty | Lull me)

4:32 pm
"But despite my confusion
I've come to the conclusion
that people, need people
And its something i forget
but i've come to accept
that people need people"


current mood: Fine
current music: Day One - I'm Doing Fine

(Lull me)

Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
12:44 am
So i admit it
I love the girl.

(1 moment of beauty | Lull me)

Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
6:31 pm
Nothing was acomplished today
I am tired and want to sleep
but can see no reason why i would
i never bow down to my body
never.

(2 moments of beauty | Lull me)

Monday, May 14th, 2001
11:22 pm
I gave her phone sex this evening
and listened to her gasps, her sighs
her breathing
we laughed after
her mother
she almost caught her
masturbating
over this boy
on a phone.
and i smiled.

current mood: surprised

(20 moments of beauty | Lull me)

Sunday, May 13th, 2001
11:14 pm
"Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
"
--Anne Sexton

(Lull me)

10:51 pm
A place with people,
sounds of laugher
glimpses of smiles
and me
i pretended to smile
and i laughed
but i didn't mean any of them.

(Lull me)

1:56 pm
Warning
Live without Warning.
yes.

current mood: okay
current music: Green Day - Warning

(Lull me)

3:25 am
And so begins something new
a fresh canvas to corrupt
another chance to purify
my mind

(Lull me)



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